potions, bone saws and pebbles
by detrametal
Summary: a request done for my friend Samantha Riccio. warning some drug use Colonnello and Lal mirch are in love with each other but don't know the other's feelings. so they enlist the other Arcobaleno to help them to drug the other with a love potion! Wow, real smart aren't they?


For my friend, the magnificent Samanth Riccio

Blah, blah, blah…the normal "I don't own" spiel

I'm not much one for this pair but I think I did well, what do you think?

Hope you're okay with the wait this one's so much better than I previous one.

They are adults in this

* * *

Lal Mirch stood at the door and hesitated. This was easily the most difficult mission she had ever embarked upon. She looked around before knocking. A possessed voice echoed forth "come in" and Lal opened the door to see what she would imagined to be a medieval alchemist's room. Plants hung from the ceiling and dozens of jars sat on the table in the middle of the space, along the walls were bookshelves filled with text in languages she didn't understand. Lal carefully shuffled to see her illusionist friend hovering over a flask bubbling over a flame. The three triangle tattoos stood out proudly against ivory skin.

Lal leaned forward and peered at the liquid, the clear neon green liquid bubbled away almost happily. She swallowed and cleared her throat "d-do you have a moment?"

Viper pulled her hood back and reveled medium length purple hair and bright eyes the color of sapphires, her lips lifted less than marginally and she gestured for the other to sit, "always my friend, what can I do for you?"

* * *

Colonnello causally knocked on the door with the large gerbil sign and walked in. Verde wandered around his circus of hoses and flasks before stopping in front of Colonnello "what do you want?" was the blunt greeting.

The ex-military adjusted his bandanna before responding "I have a job for you"

The scientist slapped him and turned around with a "not interested and I might just have to experiment on you for wasting my time"

Colonnello shrugged "I guess it's better that way, I didn't think you could do it anyway…" and he smirked as Verde stiffened and sharply turned around.

"what don't you think the world's greatest scientist can do?!"

One word floated through his mind _perfect_

* * *

In both rooms it happened exactly the same way at the same time.

The one approached went ramrod straight and yelled out "LOVE POTION?!"

The other rushed over and clamped a hand over the mouth and shushed the other and the approached would ask again and at a nod would shrug and with a "whatever" go to work.

* * *

Lal watched as Viper pulled out a huge cauldron easily able to hold a body and filling it with various things like the tongue of a turtle and the eyes of a cat fish and stirred the concoction with a long gnarled wooden spoon (think robin hood men in tights). After a long moment a head of green mist filled the cauldron and a long ladle swam deep into the depths. Viper took the light blue liquid and poured it into a small bottle and handed it to Lal "now to make it work feed it to him and be the first person he kisses."

Lal, who didn't believe in this hocus pocus mumbo jumbo, looked unsure "that's it?"

Viper shooed her out of the room with a "yup, now run off before I decide to charge you"

* * *

Colonnello looked at the scientist "can you do it?"

Verde turned and walked over to the white board that took up one entire wall "of course I can! All 'love' is is a change in the hormonal balance in the brain, easily done. Now give her this and bring her in"

Colonnello looked at the clear vial in his hands, his face radiated excitement "is this the love potion?!"

Verde shook his head "no, it's just a few roofies mixed with water. Knock her out and bring her in and I'll do the surgeries" he picked up a chain saw and let it roar for a moment "bone saw works, yup we're all set!"

Colonnello leapt around and stuttered "wha-no, nonono wha? H-hell no!" he pointed a finger at the lighting "no you are not doing surgery, last time the guy didn't even wake up!"

Verde sighed "always the hard way, but it's not my fault the man didn't have variation 1137!" the scientist rubbed his chin and quickly rounded up a few beakers and mixed a concoction "this will do it, put two drops of your blood in it as a genetic target and you have a lady love…I assume it's a lady?"

The other growled "of course!" and snatched the vial out of Verde's hand and walked to the door.

Verde called out "and don't mix it with dairy! I don't know what would happen but I doubt it would be good!" he threw a hand up in acknowledgement before leaving.

* * *

Colonnello sat in his room and carefully pricked his finer with his knife before letting his blood drop into tiny vial. He rubbed his hands together diabolically, tonight she would be his! MWHAHAHAH! *a-ahem sorry, moving on*

Lal wrapped the bottle up with a silk scarf and put in in the drawer of her nightstand. She would wait until tomorrow since it was already dinner time.

* * *

Colonnello sat in the kitchen watching Uni make dinner as she peaked her head out to holler "dinner guys!" he quickly dumped the clear liquid into the soup bowl.

As she turned around Colonnello patted Uni's shoulder "why don't you go sit down, I'll take the soup out" she grinned a smile that would melt even Hibari's heart and walked out. He quickly gave everyone a bowl and took his seat.

Reborn sat next to his Sky and asked "what type of soup is this, I smells amazing"

She giggled and looked at him "it's a boiled peanut soup!"

Verde nervously chucked "and how did you come by such an odd recipe?" he knew Colonnello wouldn't wait and in his mind the scientist was praying _please dear god don't let it be from there please_

She beamed at him "I saw it on Alton Brown's show!" in his head the scientist was crying. He looked over to his accomplice who was grinning and subtly winked and gave a thumbs up.

Unfortunately the soup contains milk. What was the only thing Verde said not to put it in? yup, milk. The one time Colonnello kept his eyes on the bowl was the worst time ever. A rumble filled the room and they all stopped. Lal had the spoon in the soup about to fill it and try some. A grumble. A small tremor went through the table and then it happened. The bowl never moved but the soup seemed to leap straight up and…onto

Lal.

All those gathered stared in disbelief at what they had just seen, but not believed. Skull broke the silence with a "well, that's one I haven't seen before" and Lal slowly stood and walked off to her room for a shower. Reborn, Fon and Viper pushed their bowls away and tears filled Uni's eyes.

A gentle "yum" filled the room and all eyes fell onto the only one eating. Skull picked up the bowl and took a deep drink. Fon stared at him "what if it explodes?"

Skull shrugged "I'm immortal. And yes it's just that good" and took another drink before Uni hugged her friend and dinner went on with Skull, Reborn and Uni with soup and the others with sandwiches.

After dinner that night was, much to both Colonnello's and Lal's chagrin was spoken of quite a bit, especially after the fiasco was uncovered…

* * *

The next day Colonnello lightly tapped on a door with a large radioactive sign. As the owner gave permission he stepped in and was…well beyond amazed. Apparently they paid well, _**VERY **_well. Along one side of the room was a bookshelf and a 72" plasma screen, a ps3 and a uber-top-secret-one-of-a kind-only-for-him sound system. The next wall was made of glass and had several chests fill with things he knew in his stomach he didn't want to know about. The wall opposite of the TV had a brand new computer, a small night stand and a huge bed. All of these things were of the finest quality he had ever seen. On said bed sat who he was searching for.

Skull was laying on the bed with a hand rolled cigarette in his mouth. His breath caught and the smoke wafted over to Colonnello who fanned his face and asked "Skull, is that pot?"

Skull spoke in a voice like he was holding his stomach down and trying to breath in while talking "nope, it's weed"

The soldier grimaced "anyways I have something I need you to do for me…"

The biker put both hands behind his head and looked at the ceiling "what's in it for me?'

"how 'bout I won't beat the hell out of you? Hmm?"

Skull chuckled still with the odd voice "or I could just taze you" and he took the joint out of his mouth and pointed to the corner where a scary device lurked. The device looked like a car battery with a giant fork and wires connecting the two.

The fighter kept his eyes on it as he spoke slowly "isn't that Verde's electric torture thing?"

"yup, he said I could have it as long as I didn't modify it too much since he might need it again at some point" Skull picked up his phone and took a hit "oh god I think I'm dying." the phone rang before the boss picked up.

The don's voice was on speaker "Skull, what is it?" he was a nice enough man…other than the drug thing.

"boss, don't send out the shipment. We got fucked" his face made Colonnello snicker "no pants and everything"

The don spoke quickly "Skull, we'll take care of it" and the dial tone filled the room.

Skull finished off the apparently bad joint before throwing it down into a chemical bath and looked at the other "so back to the business at hand. What's in it for me if I make you the love potion?"

Colonnello started "well what do you wa-" his jaw dropped and his eyes went bigger than hubcaps "how did you know?"

Skull tutted and grinned "you should never think that I have any less information than I have given you reason to believe…and even then I'm probably hiding more than that. but what made you think I could help?"

Colonnello made a helpless gesture with his hands "well, I know you're into the occult and I thought that you might have some voodoo thing that could help me…" and he trailed off with a shrug.

Skull moved off the bed and motioned Colonnello to stand next to him as he flipped the light switch and the entire room changed. the walls flipped and the floor split in half and moved away reveling a large work area that would be a witch doctor's wet dream. Hundreds of diagrams were carved into the floor and the trunks that were up near the window moved along tracks and spread across the now dark room as a thick curtain blocked the light and bookshelves filled with books that radiated occult and things that were odder than anything else Colonnello had ever seen. As he wandered the room he spotted an eye in a jar and stared at it, it moved to look back at him and blinked and he quickly moved away. He moved back to the corner and watched as Skull moved about. He was humming a cheery tune so out of place in this creepy place. Skull motioned for Colonnello to stand in the center of the room and put a small stone, a few feathers a dark piece of fabric and a small vial of a dark liquid in a small circle engraved on the floor and stepped into the middle with Colonnello. He started chanting and it freaked the non-voodoo master out, it was a language that didn't seem to mean anything or was related to anything the had ever heard. As the candles flickered and the room suddenly grew icy Skull came to the end and grinned.

As they walked Skull warned "careful of the ice, it's really slick" and he tossed the pebble to the customer, engraved on it was a symbol that pulsed with a faint green light. "all you have to do is rub it on Lal's body, it'll heat up if she feel the same way about you"

The other growled as the immortal flipped the switch and the non scary room fell back into place "that's it? That's all you can do with your magic voodoo crap?"

Skull gave a sagely smile and put a hand on the other's shoulder "that's all you kneed, now as for payment, I'll keep it open for now" and Colonnello walked out of the room.

* * *

Lal sat in her room looking at the bottle. She huffed and picked it up and moved to help Uni cook the lasagna. It was the only way she could get the potion in his food with it being bright blue and all.

Cooking went well and she manages to fill a corner of the dish with the liquid, she had memorized which corner had the drug…until Uni put it on the turn table. And Colonnello spun it. As everybody dug in Lal's eyes quickly whipped back and forth trying to find which piece held the liquid. Suddenly Skull's face scrunched up and he smacked his lips several times in confusion. With a sinking feeling she saw a drop of bright blue sticking out from between the layers of noodles. Uni looked at him "Skull, what's the matter?"

He smacked his lips again "I don't know something just tastes off…"

Skull face palmed "I know what this is, it's, it's.. ugh I know what this is!" after a moment his eyes brightened "IT'S FISH EYE!" and the other's looked at him like he was crazy. Beneath her hood Viper's eyes were huge and the hood looked at Lal who gritted her teeth and made eye contact and nodded.

Viper moved around the side of the table "Skull you probably just need to get some rest. I'll help you to your- eeEEEK!" she screeched and fell. Now, I know what your thinking, no she didn't land on Skull. Haha! No, she did better. Her elbow caught the edge of the stainless steel platter that had been sat beside the man, the tray flipped up with enough force to smash into his face and give him several cuts and a black eye. He fell out of the chair and hit his head on the wooden door frame behind him.

Several minutes later he opened his eyes to see everyone staring at him "w-what happened?" and winced as the pain in his head started up again

Uni stepped forward "sorry we don't have any pain meds…"

Skull closed his eyes "just give me some alcohol. That should do until I get to my room" soon Skull's pain was gone and he slowly stood. "somebody help me get to my room…please?"

They immediately knew that he was in serious pain even with the alcohol. Viper, guiltily stepped forward, and put one of his arms across her narrow shoulders. The others didn't eat the 'bad luck lasagna' that night. They had just sat down with their sandwiches when they heard an almighty scream. They rushed up to find Skull passed out on top of Viper who was lips to lips with the man. Reborn asked with a smirk what happened. Viper quickly told them that he had passed out while trying to walk and fell on her.

* * *

Viper sat face to face with Lal in the latter's room. Lal started "Viper, I'm sooo sorry!"

Viper waved it off "it happens…although I am curious to know what happened. I though you could have kept up with which part had the potion."

Lal scratched the back of her head "I did…until Colonnello took it for a spin…"

Viper plastered her hand on her face "wow, the almighty potion of love, done in by a turntable by the target of the potion…that's rather ironic."

Lal let out a nervous laugh and continued "so…Skull's in love with you now…" Viper's body stopped mid stride and turned "well you did make lip contact and he had taken the potion…"

Viper groaned and flopped onto her bed "well I hope it doesn't count"

Lal, seeing her friend embarrassed couldn't help but to pick on her, "is that blush I see?" answered by a growl.

* * *

Skull woke up with a resounding headache like nothing he had ever had before. He slowly opened his eyes to see Colonnello hovering over him. He jumped back with an unholy screech and then a groan as his head started to feel like Pompeii. With a growl the stuntman started "What?"

The offender smiled " I wanted more info about the pebble!" and he held out the pebble in his palm.

Skull snatched it away and groaned "damn morning person" and dragged Colonnello by his collar to the living room where everybody watched the spectacle.

* * *

There was something wrong. Skull was pissed, first his family got cheated out of a amazing product in place of something that would kill hundreds and ruin their reputation, then he was forced to make this spell for the dimwit who had no idea how to use it THEN said dimwit had the balls to ask him for help after he explained the entire thing to him. Twice. Lal sat on the couch reading until a shadow blocked out the light from the window to her side. She looked up to see Colonnello being dragged towards her by a very pissed of Skull, no, he was livid. He pulled his burden to his feet and grabbed his hand and forced the pebble into it and pressed Colonnello's hand into Lal's chest.

Lal was about to kill Skull until she felt something in Colonnello's palm grow warm. She looked at him puzzled. Skull growled "is it warm?" Colonnello tried to speak but having one of _those_ under his palm was more than distracting. Skull's face was starting to scare everyone as he ground out through his teeth "I said is it warm?" and the soldier nodded vigorously. "that means she feels the same way you do. Now for the sake of my sanity stop trying to drug each other!" and as he walked away Lal pushed Colonnello away before laughing.

The student took a seat next to her "so you tried to get me to fall in love with you?" she nodded and leaned into his shoulder. Reborn immediately started ribbing them about all the mishaps that had happened. Uni looked like she was going to brain Colonnello with a spoon for making it look like her cooking was either exploding or making people sick.

Skull thankfully was forgotten as he stumble to his room and flopped onto his bed with a groan. God his head hurt. He heard his door click closed and he rolled over and saw Viper. She sat in the computer chair and she asked "did you do that on purpose?"

He looked at her "you mean nearly getting brained with a platter and having no remedy besides something that would leave me worse off in the morning, Of course! Can't you tell I feel great" his sarcasm flowed like a river and she grimaced.

"sorry about that, no I meant did you eat that piece on purpose?"

He seriously looked at her "yeah, if either of them had used a potion don't you think they would have felt bad? I mean tricking someone to loving you? That's why I made the spell, I knew both of them were trying to drug each other so why not just let them talk it out?"

Viper pulled her hood back and tilted her head to the side. "what about the potion you took?"

He sighed "don't know and don't really care at the moment. In too much pain, so I'm going to sleep" he rolled over and Viper moved quickly and snuggled up to his chest. He shrugged and put his arms around her before falling asleep.

_A ciascuno il suo_


End file.
